


goodbyes are hard

by achaoticwizard



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Apocalypse, Background Shiro/Curtis, Character Death, Death, M/M, Post Season 8, SHEITH - Freeform, Unrequited Love, but shiro had unrequited feelings he wanted to tell keith, shiro and curtis are married
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-12
Updated: 2019-10-12
Packaged: 2020-12-09 14:37:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20996447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/achaoticwizard/pseuds/achaoticwizard
Summary: Incoming Transmission: Keith running away from his feelings quite turns out to be the biggest mistake of his life. The war was over. The universe was at peace and everyone was supposed to have their happily ever after. Supposed to.A few years after the war ended, a plague spread out with no cure and no warning. Everyone and everything was dying out and Keith never got to say goodbye.





	goodbyes are hard

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: There is no happy ending. This was meant to be a coping style fic for myself. This is un-beta'ed for now. I want you to experience my own raw emotion I had as I wrote this. Eventually it will be updated once a suitable beta is found.  
I am sorry.
> 
> If you really want to hurt: listen to [this song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W2TE0DjdNqI)  
while you read.

What do you do when the man you have been in love with since your late teens doesn’t love you back? You run. You run so far away you can’t even feel that connection anymore. There was so much chemistry, you confessed your feelings and everything. And yet? He didn’t love you. Why be trapped on a planet with him when you could go across the galaxy and never have to face him again? Never have to see those storm clouds in his eyes. Or inhale his pine and leather scent ever again. Occasional video calls were enough, right? Right. 

The initial goodbye to him was probably one of the hardest things he ever had to do in his life. And Keith had saved said man from the brink of death more times than he could count. Keith stood face to face with the man he loved, his best friend, and told him he was leaving. Keith was running off to help the Blades, to help repair the galaxy now that the war was over. And he wasn’t looking back. 

Keith saw him occasionally when they all got together on the anniversary of Allura’s death, sure. But Keith kept his physical meetings with him brief and few in between. He was living a better life now anyway. A husband, retired from war, and just trying to live the normal life he deserved. Maybe Keith was never able to give him that in the first place and that’s why he never loved him back. 

Takashi Shirogane was the only man Keith had ever loved and will probably be the only man he ever will love. 

So, Keith ran. He ran from his problems instead of confronting them head on. There were plenty of actions he could have taken in his attempt to get over Shiro, but he simply chose not to do that. Keith was perfectly fine running off with the Blades. There was so much work to be done cleaning up the universe anyway. It wouldn’t need saving for a long time, so now was the opportunity to heal. 

This particular mission had sent Keith and the rest of the Blades much further away than they had ever been. It was months of a journey to help rebuild a world that previously was under slave control of the Galra. The people there needed food, needed homes. It was mostly a supply and rebuild mission. A few months of this which would make Keith unreachable entirely. 

Then soon came the final day on this planet. Keith finished speaking with a fellow Blade member, someone new. He wasn’t familiar with them quite yet, but they were a diligent worker. Keith smiled and nodded as he listened to them give him the rundown. Things were finally running smoothly and Keith was eager to join up with his mother for another mission. Keith thanked them for their time and climbed aboard his one man ship. Keith preferred flying solo nowadays. Sharing a big ship and then a lion with a bunch of people for years grew to be too much. Not to mention, Kosmo preferred it just the two of them. 

Communications seemed to be still rough out there. There was pretty much no signal out there originally, but the Blades of Marmora were at least able to help revamp some of the technology. Almost nothing was going in or going out. But still, Keith attempted to shoot a message to Krolia to let her know it was a success and he and a few other Blades were on their way home. Fingers crossed it actually got through the fog to her. 

Flying was nothing to Keith. He was an unreasonably skilled pilot at such a young age, able to adapt to quite literally anything. Garrison ships, the Lions, literally anything. But what he would give to have Black back. She was able to zip him through the universe in a matter of moments. There was this twinge in his heart as he thought about her. Thought about all the lions. He... really missed them. Not just the lions, all of his friends too. Even Shiro. _ Obviously _ Shiro. 

Maybe he could at least pay Lance a visit. It had been a while since he had seen him last. When he was further away from the dead zone, he’d send out a message to Lance. See if he was okay with a visit in a couple months' time. Wow, this planet really was far out from some of the others. But it was nice to be isolated from all his other worries for a little while. 

Time alone in the ship gave him time to think. Unfortunately, thinking always lead to remembering and overthinking. Remembering the laughs he and his fellow paladins would share. Kosmo drooling all over Lance. The sound of Pidge’s retro game pinging over their comms. Shiro’s cheerful smile being the first thing Keith woke up to every single morning in Black. How the stars illuminated his face, like he was made of them. His warmth filling up the cockpit of Black, even with just the two of them. Fuck, he really missed Shiro. 

Keith didn’t even notice the tear until Kosmo was licking it up off his cheek. He groaned and wiped off the space dog spit before petting his head with a chuckle. Man’s best friend for sure. Kosmo laid his head on Keith’s lap and Keith couldn’t help but smile. He pats his head again, sighing happily. At least he could always count on Kosmo. 

“Good boy,” he whispered as he continued steering them onward. This was going to be a journey. 

* * *

It had to be a month before he finally received any signal back from anyone. Keith breathed a sigh of relief when a video message from Krolia alerted him. Finally, he was free from the dead zone. Surely his mother had to be worried sick about him. Keith smiled, excited to see his mom’s face for the first time in months. 

But pain struck him right in the heart when he saw the distressed look in her eyes. Her expression itself was neutral, but her emotions were raw, and full in her eyes. So much like Keith. Keith sat up straighter, immediately worried. 

“Kei--please. Get this mes—,” came the video message. It was coming in completely broken up. Her tone was completely serious. Was something wrong at the base? Keith was still at least a month out from being home. 

“Dang--. We’re going in for he—,” continued the message. More of it was garbled, meaning absolutely nothing for Keith. For as advanced as their technology was, you’d think their signals would be stronger now! Something was wrong and Keith needed to be home right now. Kosmo yipped beside him, sensing the worry radiating off of Keith. 

“_ Shiro--help!” _ she said and then the message was cut off. That was all his receiver was able to pick up. That last part was undeniably easy to figure out. Shiro was in danger and Keith needed to be there and help him. How old was this message? Was everything okay? Keith had absolutely no way of knowing. The Blades still haven’t been able to truly access wormhole jumping quite yet and Keith didn’t have black anymore. 

He never felt more useless in his life than he did in this exact moment. 

All Keith could really do was continue on his path and pray to whatever was out there that his friends and family were safe. Kosmo whined at his side and all Keith could do was pet him sadly and hope for the best. 

* * *

It was a few more weeks before the next transmission came in. This time it was from Lance which was horrifying to say the least. Lance usually never messaged him first anymore. Both of them were too upset over quite literally anything to deal with their feelings. So, this had to be something serious. Keith opened up the audio file, his heart tight in his chest. 

“Holy shit—Keith. Keith, buddy. Where are you? We need you. Your mom said she can’t contact you. You always ignore my messages. But _ fuck _ . Now’s the time to actually respond. Things aren’t good man, so not good. People are _ dying _ . We don’t know what’s going on. It started here—it spread so quickly. We’ve lost so many people. Keith, please come fucking _ home _ for once. We need you!” said Lance. His voice was so broken, choked up. Lance sounded so pissed off and desperate. Keith’s throat grew tight as he listened to it again and again. 

Another transmission. Another audio file. 

“Keith! Come on one of these is bound to get through to you! This is fucking ridiculous. Where the fuck is our brave leader now, huh? If you weren’t so busy running away from all your problems you could fucking say good bye to us,” Lance hissed. That one was short and yet it was so much more painful than the first. Tears freely roamed down Keith’s face as he listened to Lance’s anger fill the cockpit. It was such a short message and yet conveyed so much _ rage _. Rage that clearly had been building up for some time now. 

As Keith wiped away more tears with the back of his hand another audio transmission came through. 

“Fuck you, Keith Kogane. Fuck you for making me care about you and making me miss you in our final fucking moments. Don’t come to Earth. Unless you wanna join us. Goodbye Keith,” said Lance. The rage was there, but the fire wasn’t. This was a weaker Lance, a much more solemn Lance. What the fuck was going on? Why were people dying?! And why was Keith just now hearing about this?! 

A video transmission. From Earth. 

It took a few moments for the screen to come to life. The video quality was poor, shaking constantly. And there sat three of his best friends, all huddles together for what seemed like for warmth. So many blankets were wrapped around them, all their faces pale and sickly. Pidge’s hair was so thin and patchy now. Her warm honey eyes were cold, practically lifeless. Hunk was in the middle, looking thin and frail. Lance didn’t look at the camera, but Keith was sure he was in the same situation. Everything around them seemed destroyed and dirty. Screams could be heard in the background. It was one of the most horrifying sights he had ever seen. 

“H-Hey buddy,” came a soft voice from Pidge. Her voice cracked heavily, a cough following that. A small bit of blood rolled down the corner of her mouth and Hunk used the corner of one of the blankets to wipe it away. She thanked him by weakly patting him on the hand. Keith’s heart was quite literally breaking in his chest. It pained him to see his best friend’s like this. Whatever was going on. 

“Keith! Reallllly hope you get this before you finally decide to pay us a visit,” Hunk said with a nervous laugh. 

“Well Keith, this is our goodbye. I think a lot of our other transmissions were lost in the void of space, but this one is really important. Coran—is... well, he’s gone, Keith. But he loved you so much dude. He’s gone and didn’t--get to say goodbye. So, this is his goodbye first,” Pidge explained, still trying to be her cute perky snarky self. It clearly took a lot out of her. 

“Lance is really mad you’ve been ignoring him, but he wanted to get his goodbye in too,” Hunk said, wrapping an arm around Lance and pulling him in closer. The both of them groaned in pain, clear as day on their face. Poor Hunk’s eyes were so _ bloodshot _. 

“We want you to know were not mad at you for not being here with us. We know you’re working hard across the galaxy and were proud of you. Still fighting the good fight. In fact—we’re just glad you’re safe. Wherever you are. Things have been tough these last few years, but you’re family Keith,” said Pidge, coughs worming their way into her speech. Keith’s heart was in his stomach. He felt so fucking nauseous right now. Everything was spinning. 

“We love you Keith. You’ll always be our leader and we hope you live a good happy life. So, uh, this is our goodbye,” Hunk said, tears running down his dirty face. Despite the clear amount of pain the two of them were in, they smiled. Their smiles were filled with love and acceptance. They knew they were going to die and this was going to be their last message to him. 

“Think he knows about Shiro yet?” snickered Lance, clearly bitter. That easily caught Keith’s attention. He stared Lance down on his screen, trying to figure out what the fuck that could mean. 

“Lance--dude. You know we had one take. Why the fuck would you say that?” Hunk scolded. Lance shrugged, shrinking into himself. He was hurting, just so fucking furious at everything. Because despite all the good they did—they were dying young. 

“Keith--ignore Lance. It’s okay. It’ll be okay soon. We love you. Take care. And goodbye,” Pidge said, full on crying by the time the video feed cut out. Keith was an absolute fucking wreck by this point. His eyes were swollen from crying, his chest so tight he thought his ribs might pierce through his skin. No, this can’t be happening. He did not just lose his best friends in the entire universe. No, he already lost Allura. He couldn’t lose more of his family. 

He gripped at his hair, looking down at his lap. Keith seethed through his teeth, just trying to get a hold of himself. Tears dropped to the floor of his ship, splashing up. There was no way this was happening right now. No, this was some sick prank they were pulling on him for disappearing for so long. His friends were back on Earth, eating Hunk’s cooking and talking about what they did that day. They were living the good lives they fucking fought so hard for. 

_ New Video Transmission. _

_ “Hey, Keith?” _came that familiar voice he knew all too well. 

Keith’s head snapped up to see Shiro, sitting across from him. But that was not the Shiro he knew and loved. This man was stick thin, covered in bruises. His eyes were so sunken and bloodshot. Shiro was almost as white as his hair at this point. Keith covered his mouth as he gasped out. A trail of dried blood ran down his one nostril and past his mouth. Dry, cracked lips, all blue, were curled into a smile nonetheless. 

“No one’s heard from you in a while bud. We miss you a lot. A part of me is really glad you didn’t receive our distress signal. I wouldn’t want you to be where I am right now,” laughed Shiro weakly. As he coughed, more blood came out of his mouth. Keith had to literally hold back his vomit from seeing that. Seeing the man he loved so sick, so frail. 

“Wherever you are—I just hope you’re safe. You’re mom’s safe, Keith. We were in contact with her quickly and Earth has been quarantined. As well as a few other planets. We don’t know what’s going on. But it’s contained right now,” Shiro choked out. Even retired and on his fucking _ deathbed _ he had that sense of professionalism about him. 

“Pidge--she started getting sick. She was taking care of Coran when it happened. Christ, we don’t know what it is still. And well, now it’s got me. It... took Curtis. He’s gone Keith. And I miss him every god damn day. But—I miss you too. Wow, I’ve said goodbye before. But this one is probably the _ hardest _ one ,” said Shiro. Keith could see the fucking _ agony _ in his expression. Keith would do anything to trade places with Shiro in this moment. This man had already been through so much. Taking away Adam—taking away _ Curtis _. Keith may have never been their biggest fans due to his own romantic feelings towards Shiro, but he knew how much they meant to Shiro. Shiro has literally been through hell and just got his happily ever after. And it was taken away so quickly. 

“There’s so much I wanted to tell you, Keith. So many things I wish I had the guts to say in person. But what better time to tell you than on my deathbed, right? Heh. I can literally picture you giving me that look. You know the one,” smirked Shiro. His was so raspy. Keith could tell he was in so much pain. They had been in this situation so many times before. 

One memory that immediately came to mind seemed like thousands of years ago now. Waiting to be rescued by the team. The red and black lions waiting behind them. Just the two of them. Shiro was hurting so much and the guy just kept trying to crack jokes about it. Keith was so worried about him then, but little did he know how bad things would get. 

“You know you are so important to me, right Keith? Above all else you _ are _ my best friend. And even in death you’ll keep that title. I’m so proud of you. You've grown up so much in the years I’ve known you. You’re a strong, wise, handsome young man. I can’t believe how far you’ve come. And I know how far you’ll go. You’re one amazing guy and anyone would be lucky to know you,” Shiro said. Keith’s heart warmed up so much, burning those words into his mind. He reached up on shaky hand, tears pouring from his eyes as his fingers hovered over Shiro’s beautiful pained face. 

“Man, I should get to the point. I don’t know how much time I have left. And I need to say this before I go. Keith Kogane, I am so privileged to call you my friend. To love you in the way I do, because of course I love you as a friend, Keith. But I am even more privileged to say I was able to fall in love with you. Now, I know what you’re thinking. _ Shiro, what about Curtis? _ Believe me, I love Curtis too. So much. But Keith, I love you more than anything. Who else would cross galaxies for me like you have? You’re the one person who never gave up on me either, Keith. I’ve loved you for some time now and I completely respected that you did not feel the same way about me. We ended up leading two very different lives and I’m glad we were both happy in the end. And this—well, this is certainly the end for me,” Shiro explained, carefully, slowly. Each and every word that Shiro spoke was just another knife in Keith’s already dying heart. 

He had watched this man die and come back, die and come back. He had to come back this time, right? This couldn’t be their final goodbye. How was it fair that Shiro got to say how he felt and Keith was stuck with his feelings? Keith was wheezing, hyperventilating as he cried. Hearing Shiro say he was in love with him and then watching him slowly die on screen was too much. The universe was a cruel and unforgiving mistress. 

“This was what I wanted to talk about, by the way. In one of my other messages to you. Curtis and I had talked and we both felt it was right to tell you. Talk to you. He took it really well you know. He is—_ was _ a wonderful man. Well, I’m not sure that there’s much else I can say. Each breath I can feel my lungs filling up with—with _ something _. Breathing is hard. So, I wanted to give you my final words. In my dying breath Keith, I love you. I love you more than any words will ever let me describe. Go and be great. I love you, Keith,” Shiro said after a horrendous coughing fit. Blood trailed out of his mouth and Keith knew this was the end. He truly was watching the love of his life die before him. 

It was quiet on Shiro’s end. The only sounds in the cockpit were Keith’s own tormented sobs and Kosmo’s whining. Kosmo whined at the screen, yipping at Shiro to come back. Keith couldn’t breathe. His whole world was crashing around him. He lost nearly all the people he every truly loved in a matter of moments for him. 

Keith looked up at the video. Shiro’s eyes were fluttering closed, but he kept that dopey, yet beautiful grin of his on his face. Even in death that man smiled as brilliant as the sun. There was one more big deep breath from Shiro, his chest falling slowly. And then his face was at peace. 

And the Takashi Shirogane he loved was gone. 

Screams filled the tiny area. Keith pounded his fists on his computer dashboard, tears pouring from his eyes. The more he pounded, the more the video glitched until it finally closed out. Keith thrashed around, blinded by his cries. He couldn’t see, but he hurt. He hurt so bad and just wanted to hurt everything around him. 

How was any of this fair? Keith should be in Shiro’s place. Keith should be the one dead. Shiro didn’t deserve to die like this. He didn’t deserve to die period. He fought so hard to get where he was and everything was stripped away in moments. Whatever that god damn sickness was he was going to eradicate it. If someone did this on purpose—their blood would be on Keith’s hands the moment he found out who. His family was stripped away from him and he couldn’t bear it. 

A live transmission request appeared on screen and in his blind rage, Keith managed to open it. A tall Galran woman with sharp eyes stood at attention on the screen. But her professionalism immediately broke the moment she saw Keith. Her hand went to her mouth, tears already forming. 

“Keith! Keith! Please, it’s me. Can you hear me?” she cried from the other end. A familiar, comforting voice. Keith snapped his head over at her, teeth bared and face bright red. His expression softened when he saw who it was. 

“M-Mom. He’s gone. He’s _ gone _,” cried Keith, completely broken and raw. His voice was raspy, hurt. Keith was in the most pain he’s ever experienced. His heart was completely shattered in his chest. There was no saving it now. 

“No--I wanted to be the one to tell you. Shit—Keith, hang on. We have locked onto your coordinates and we have rescue coming. Hold on for me baby,” she cooed, trying to calm her son down through the screen. Her voice grew soft at the last part, worried about what might happen. It was no use. Keith was an absolute mess. He curled up on the floor, still sobbing. Kosmo wrapped himself around him, crying with him. Krolia hung up, probably getting ready to save her broken son. 

This was the end for Keith. All he could feel was _ pain _ and _ rage _. Fiery hot rage. He’s been through hell and apparently the universe wasn’t done giving him hell. Christ, he wasn’t even able to be there in person for his best friends’ final moments. He couldn’t go out with them like a true leader. Keith just let them down in the end. 

Maybe he deserved this fate. 

_ Incoming Video Message. _

_ “Is it working? Good! _ Curtis, I’ll just be a few moments. Hm? Yeah, that _ thing _. I’ve got to make sure this gets sent out to Keith,” said Shiro on the screen. This was a different Shiro. A Shiro who looked much more like the one Keith had seen last. Healthy, glowing. The stars still in his grey eyes. Shiro grinned at the camera, giving it a little wave. 

“Keith! Hey buddy, long time no speak. I heard you were going off on a support mission so I wanted to send you some words of encouragement! Wow, Krolia said you’re going pretty far out, but she didn’t say where. Well, we miss you, Keith. Lance keeps bugging me to try and convince you to come see us soon,” laughed Shiro. So full of life. 

“Actually, it would be really great if you could pay us a visit when you’re done. There’s... something I wanted to talk to you about. It’s a pretty big deal and something we should do face to face. Don’t freak out, I promise it’s all good things. Heh. So, it’s been a while since I’ve gotten a video message from you. I’m sure you’re busy still saving the universe. Ha, remember when you’d tease me because you thought that would be _ me _ out there? Well, either way. I’m so proud of you Keith. You’re doing amazing things, just like I always knew you would,” Shiro grinned. It was at this moment that his nose started bleeding, running down his face. 

“Huh? That’s weird. Must be dry on the base. This has been happening to a lot of us lately. Ignore that, buddy. Hey Keith? I really miss you. I know you’re off helping others, but let me be selfish and steal you away for a bit. I miss spending time with my best friend. Shoot, I should probably get going. Well, I hope you actually get this message. I wish you luck on your mission Keith! _ I love you _ _ .” _

**Author's Note:**

> I've been hurting pretty bad lately mentally and the best way I cope is through writing. So take an angsty, heart breaking one shot from me. 
> 
> As always, feel free to contact me here!
> 
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/commandershiro)  
[Facebook](https://www.facebook.com/idol.dee.378?ref=bookmarks)


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